I wrote this many moons ago when I was young and trying to understand why life held so many lessons, why things were never as they seemed and how on earth was I supposed to make sense out of anything. 

I found it yesterday and wanted to share it, hope you enjoy and if you are on your spiritual path I am sure some will connect. 

You feel it

The wave of each lesson as it comes and you learn the understanding.

Suddenly you are surrounded by situations and talks about the very life lesson you are learning at that moment. You try to switch your mind to a more easier lesson, maybe one you can get your head around but you keep stumbling back to the lesson you are meant to be on at that very moment.
A knowing of life’s learning that you have walked already and a realization of knowing there is more to come.
A wanting to share with others that are walking the path you once took and a frustration at those that are so far ahead that you just don’t get what they are saying yet, of course, you don’t.

You are meant to travel this road, take in each lesson as and when it comes. Not when others tell you or think you are ready. Oh but how you would love to run.
Each lesson brings the pain, the looking back into your darkest memories, repeatedly looking into the closed closest of the past.
Then when you feel like you have reached an understanding, you want to stand back and pat yourself on the back, only to find yourself looking at your reflection as to who you are, what are you made of, who’s the real you.

Then you find yourself facing each one of your fears, overcoming negativity. You find words you never knew had meanings, like, responsibility, standing back, respect, understanding, truths, bigger pictures, smaller pictures, looking within, beyond and above. You see the world differently, everything that was once clear cut is now a shady mist. The tears will flow, the lessons will continue, one after the other.

You will look at life from so many different eyes. You will see how the jigsaw fits. You may even have the energy to try and find out how it all just fits, but in your search your lessons will continue to appear.
Your entire body will feel the waves come and go as you feel the love you find, as your heart grows bigger and as you feel your worse despair, only to find the love yet again.

Each time you think you have gained something, you can stop and rest now. Your head bursting with new knowledge, an understanding of each aspect. Just when you think you know. Along comes the next wave, the next lesson, until the lessons become your life and you no longer remember a time without them. You not only learn and understand each lesson.

You feel it

And the strength you have inside will keep you going. A strength you never knew you had. This is your strength, not the strength of you carrying others nor the strength that others gave you, but your very own strength.

You may see how small you are in the world. Maybe around the same time you see how grand you are. And if you are not confused enough, now you will find how you are also nothing and everything is nothing and you are everything and nothing is everything.

Love will grow with each step you take, the many forms of each and every type of love. The love will give you lines from smiling so much and will make your eyes red with the tears. But with each new wave you will feel love grow stronger.  You may one day wake up and find you are happy, really and truly happy. You may not know who or how.

You feel it

You may realize that all that you are is but your very own creation. You may find the power of your own mind. Within the creation you will find the illusion and wonder is it the illusion that makes the creations of the mind.

The illusion may make you ask why, only to find that the very illusion of life itself is no more than a bigger illusion. The answers to this are so far away, you could travel your entire life and never find them.
But if you do you may see that like all things the real answers are so simple.

In the search for knowledge you may even step over the answers for their shear simplicity. You may confuse everything you feel, due to lack of trust that things really can be so simple.

You may be tested and you may want to blame others or easier still blame Spirit or God for the many test you feel keep getting thrown at you. Only to wake up one morning with the realization that the tests you set yourself. They are only what you yourself created.

You may learn to understand the true word of magic, the magic that happens around us every day with every thought and the magic that we are able to create ourselves.

And then one day you may sit down with all this knowledge flying in your mind. knowing so much more then you felt you ever could, and yet with a knowing that you know only what you should know at this very time in your life and you don’t really know that much and you have so much more to go.

And you may feel the next wave coming, unsure of what it is, even knowing it’s not real, not really. Yet you know your next step is ready for you to take. You may even wonder what it is, and yet you know you have already created it. You just can’t see it yet as you are still in the illusion of reality. You don’t know how you know this.

You feel it

Then one day out of the blue, you may find the understanding of one of your biggest questions, yes you may finally understand after all this time, exactly what the word paradox means. You may be unable to describe it yet.

You feel it

love Gaynor